saying goodbye

I'm beginning to feed on that voice that says make him do something that will cause you to regret EVERYTHING that has gone on... the pain, the happy times, the sad times, the tears, the anger, the frustration, the smiles... and then i remember something that I haven't stopped thinking about especially since I told Santy that I had it in mind... I can't picture saying goodbye... this summer... He's leaving, I probably won't see or hear from him again for a very long time, if ever again... and I'm still wondering-- can I say goodbye? even as I type this out and I try to just get a glimpse, I tear. And nothing comes of it... I get nothing. No picture. Not anything at all. (Santy said when I told her that when you love somebody you shouldn't be able to see a goodbye... Its the last thing that should happen. My answer: Its there. The pictures there. Its just impossible for the pain to let you see it.) And all I've been asking myself; the followup question to it being... Do you still really care? Are you deep down inside caring? Is it that if you say it enough times you actually won't while having still? Is it that you need to hear yourself repeating it to others to make sure your head is really on that level, not caring anymore? So late in the year, so close to goodbye, so close to the end, Do you still care??? So here I am, happy that April is coming to a finish but only with the sadness of the fact that we are one month closer to the end... to goodbye... to that last hug... that last kiss... that last ... just the end... of possibly everything... thats really nothing... So I ask myself: Can I say goodbye? Do you still care?