inspired by stargirl

People always leave. -Peyton Sawyer What I've just begun to understand that people always leave. They're not all meant to stay. That's why there is death and betrayal and distance. Those of your past dont always make ur future right? because theyre not meant to be there right? Yeah im beginning to believe that. All the people thats left my side and then there are those who take their breaks sliding in and out. Then there are those who try to stay there but dont quite make the cut. Then there are those who dont try at all. Little Girl. Little Girl. Then im nostalgic for the little girl I once was. That vulnerable little girl who used to smile because life wasnt worth to waste in tears. The little girl who danced and sung to make her day wonderful. The one who always knew where she was going and wasnt afraid to get there. The little girl who loved herself not because of her physicality but because she had all the love in the world. What happened to that girl? That lost little girl. Im trying to find her and I cant. What happened to that little girl who was so determined she never gave up? The one that called because she had faith in everyone and trusted them sometimes with her life. The gullible little girl, that believed in no evil other than her own. The same little girl who knew who not to like, who to dismiss and who to keep at her side. The one who knew to keep her friends close and her enemies closer and even then she never wished them worse altho she might not have wished well. Even those who betrayed me, who screwed me over were loved. I cheered for those who did well and made jokes to make those who cried crack smiles. I want it back. More than ever. What sucks more is this book Im reading which really deadass describes ways of which Ive acted at some points in my life. It makes me think. What happened? Im not done. Im only beginning. editz 1- Its funny that most people do NOT believe that I was an extremely nice person. I was so nice that I was literally taken advantage every day. I was so nice that no one saw me angry and when I was made cry or upset, people did not like seeing me that way. ever. Then I realized that I just couldn't let people walk over me and I started building a brick wall. This brick wall that breaks every once in a while. It does break down. Theres a few who know the spots to hit and how. Its not that easy but its possible. Plus guys arent the nicest beings either. Cruel motherfuckers. SMH. For every bitch, theres a man behind her. And thats how I am. I am a boy-created "evil" disaster making "monster".