4 walls 1 rm

I’m becoming depressed again I don’t know what’s going on my mind is spinning it’s too fast I can’t decipher my thoughts anymore my hand hurts from writing my heart hurts too from healing my mind hurts from thinking I can’t play superwoman anymore I don’t hold the strength to keep my hand writing and I’m going to have enough to keep my chin up? I thought not
My confusions from a complicated complication in my current situation I don’t know where I sit anymore and when I stand I’m easily pushed aside. My thumb my index hurt as I continue to write
It’s amazing to think my mind runs my physicality is in pain my emotions don’t stay in place long enough for me to feel them it’s like I’m losing myself surely but slowly if anyone could help me read what’s beyond these eyes I think I’d feel great as soon as someone tells me chin up straighten out tell me what you think tears and smiles no longer cut it I want it uncensored and I’d just let my mouth do the talking it’ll talk and talk until my minds out in the open and this open mind takes its brain thru a passage where at the end of its speech it rests and that’s what I want to relax and rest
I’m tired of running of letting my mind do the talking it needs to slow down take a walk n let everything out talk thru this confusion that I can explain myself in words anymore I’m mumbling now I don’t even understand I don’t know if what I’m saying is audible my mind is speaking a language I no longer understand my mouth moving and I don’t hear myself anymore
Even as I try to listen it’s like I’m losing my mind I’m losing my ability to enunciate and describe my every feeling my every touch my environment the surrounding I don’t even know anymore if my mind is here on this earth inside my skull it’s like its left on a vacation I’m looking for it its won over me it won the race it reached the end before I could catch before I could stop it before I can say speak to me softly I want to listen I want to understand you Please let me listen I’m 2 young 2 lose the 1 thing I have and cud call my own please come back I promise to listen I can’t b in these four walls anymore your telling me I’m going crazy am I crazy? AND then you go down speak about other paths I can’t quite hear you your fading where r you? I no longer hear you I’m lost and again I’m alone and surrounded by nothing but air I’m scared now I’m looking 4 you I don’t know where you r anymore where r you I’m screaming now and I realize I speak as I’m running into panic I speak I yell I scream and you r there b4 me laughing I understand you now were in sync and I don’t know what to say I lost myself n you led the way I found my way back and it was following you my heart warned me and it still hurts but I feel safe now in the sanctuary you made for me in this small room of white walls