Part 3 set off the beginning of the long distance relationship. Long distance relationships are difficult to maintain. Sometimes what starts off so well, ends so horrible. Sometimes they DO work out. Felix was great, but the yearning to be with him everyday kept me unfaithful(under everyone else's perspective, not his.) In order to keep each other from feeling like we were alone, we set some rules to try to make things last. During the two years, Felix and I were together, I had a kissing whore phase.
Whats a kissing whore? Someone who loves to kiss and wants it all the time.
Yeah. Disgusting to me now. Then, it was something to do. To keep from going crazy. Freshmen year of HS was enough crazy for me. I couldnt stand it. It was my first time in catholic school and I felt restricted. I wanted to be back in public school. I didnt want to be anywhere near these catholic freaks.(Yeah my sentiment has changed over the years and especially since I graduated)
As I mentioned before, I had SERIOUS self-esteem issues. It improved a little bit when I got back to school after that summer. Felix helped a lot but it had been so low, that he only helped it not be so low on the scale. I looked for someone to make me feel wanted and desired. I refused to have it any other way. So I looked for that temporary thrill. Making out and kissing who I wanted, no distress whether or not I was liked, just enough to feel like they wanted it. And when did they not?? (I wont discuss how many people because I AM embarassed at that number but lets just say it was a bit...)
There was 2 guys in particular who kept constant during this time. One who well call Donkey Kong*, the other well call Arlo*. Donkey Kong was a tall, dark skinned guy who I "messed around" with(making out) for the next 2 or 3 years on and off. He was annoying but an okay kisser. I didn't want anything else from him so it was ok. He did like me and wanted to be with me but my heart was with Felix. (Young love, how complicated we really make it out to be. It doesnt get easier, does it?) Arlo was the physical reminder of Felix, just a shorter version. Donkey Kong gave the personality reminder. Together they created the person I wanted. The person I yearned for. The person I wished were at my side and not in an island 1500 miles away.
After freshmen year, my obsession with trying to make these guys complete my puzzle was over but I continued messing around with Donkey Kong and let Arlo continue a relationship with another girl. Sneaking around the catholic high school made it fun and worth it. The way we would hold each other and find new places to just make out and hang out in each other's company made it all fun and exciting. It was fulfillment of the thrill I needed. The thrill I wanted. If I couldnt have Felix with me, I might as well make the best of it. And I did. Lusting for someone while being with someone else was the way for us to make things last. At least we thought.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.
One more blog left to my miniseries. LOL Remembering these memories have been so much fun.
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