The bet (First Kiss part 2)

I dont remember what lead to this. I dont remember at all. At this point, it was eighth grade and I just wanted a boyfriend to fit in. I still had self-esteem issues, I still wanted to be like the rest of the girls.

It was my graduation year of attending junior high school. In this school, this so-called prestigious JHS in the poorest neighborhood of NYC(@ the time), we had to wear uniforms. It made us different and stand out from the other public JHS in the area. I remember how I hated that uniform. Everytime I see it, I feel conflicted as to how I feel towards the school and the time I was there. (Thats another story for another day.) So, one night, I was on a 3 way conversation with my best friend of the time and the guy I had crushed on for the last year. He HATED me. Couldnt stand me. Thought the worst of me. He (and everyone else) called me his "stalker." Not that I cared about being called a "stalker" but I did care what he thought of me. Our friendship was very unusual. Although, he didnt like me, he still kept me around. Ive asked him much later about this and he would never answer why.

So while we were on the "conference call", something happened which lead to this kiss. There was a bet involved. I cant remember the dynamics but somebody lost. This guy, always referred to as Joell*, had to make good on his part of the deal.

I was stuck. I had a "boyfriend" who I didnt want to be with. I remember walking along the side of the school looking for him to break up with him. 3 days. Thats all we lasted. LOL. 3 days. As I looked for him, I realized how much I wanted to NOT be with him. I looked around and found him across the street. Once I crossed the street and exchanged hugs, I told him how I felt. It was done. No worries, no issues. We remained friends until HS. It was all okay now.

I tried to escape. My best friend, who we'll call Shevon*, found me as soon as I tried to go around the corner. She grabbed my arm and pulled me. I had no way to get free. I tried squirming away from her grip. It wasn't going to happen, so why did I bother trying? I was scared. I didnt want to kiss this person and feel the same way I did, 3 years earlier. The same feeling I received from the 2 other guys I had kissed after that. It was emotionless and annoying. It was just something to do. (See why I wished I had remembered that annoying little morale from the first blog? Yeah.) She kept pulling on me. A half block of about 10 meters or maybe 500 feet felt like miles! She kept pulling on me until we were in front of Burger King. Everyone who took that way to go home was there, either buying food or just hanging out. I remember not wanting to. I even fell backward trying to sustain myself and get away. DID NOT WORK.

All of a sudden, after she pulled me back up, she shoved me onto him, where he leaned down, held my face, pushed his lips onto mine, and the flutter of butterflies came back again. That feeling of the first kiss with someone new who you like... It never goes away!

After he moved back and walked away, furious at what he had to do(we talked about this years later), I fell again on my butt on the sidewalk. I got myself up, and walked to the bus. I felt so much! I was scared, I was nervous, I was relieved, I was happy, and I was sad.

Scared= Of my performance.
Nervous= I still believed in cooties. I wanted my cootie shot. Maybe I didnt believe in cooties, fine, but I felt a little dirty.
Relieved= It was over!
Happy= I did not feel that empty feeling I had felt the 2 or 3 times before. I felt like it should have happened.
Sad= It was over. And I knew he didnt feel anything for me. At the time, it was all I knew to expect from him. Nothing more.

This was also the beginning of my current friendship with Joell. He is one of my best friends. Someone who I could no doubt always trust to be there(if he's in NY. He goes to school in NC. I cant really expect him to always be there.)

This is the kiss that I consider my first. I liked it for what it was. It was mine to remember. No one else could make me feel the way I felt with him. It was also the beginning of a very messy 5 years later... (2 be cont'd another time ;-)

PS Names have been changed to protect the innocent. They know who they are by their code names. ;-)