He sent me a message on facebook. It was simple.
"We need to talk. What's your screenname?"
I gave it to him. I was in south carolina and told him it'd have to wait until I got back and he asked "will you be home monday night @7?"
I choked. This had a weird feeling and one of deja vu.
What could he want a year and a half later? (What's weirder is that as I write this, that all the music I used to play for when I was feeling some kind of negative way about him is playing. Not as a playlist but as shuffle. My ipod knows me too well)
I had a feeling, since this was unexpected, that he wanted to say he still had feelings for me. I just knew him that well. He was going to say that (and he did.) I sent him a message when I realized it was almost 9PM and he hadn't come over. He told me he was outside and when I came outside the door, I winced at the look in his eyes. I remembered that look too clearly. Too vividly. He looked as if I made his day, his eyes having been glossed over. "This might not go too well" I thought. I leaned over to greet him and he said "I miss you"
No answer. I kept my silence.
We walked(well, I walked, he rode his bike) to the park behind my house and sat down on a ledge. After some small talk, he said:
"I'm sorry"
"For what?" Confusion spread across my face.
"For everything"
I felt a can of hurt open and sting my eyes. I never expected him to apologize. Ever.
"You do know you're a year and a half late to this, right? And although, I'm over it, I did and do forgive you."
"There's something else though"
He smiled and held his head. It was always hard for him to talk to me.
"I still have feelings for you"
My response: "I do miss you as a friend but I don't miss you as my BOYfriend."
I did not want to have this conversation but since we're here, i thought i might as well get my info straight from him. We spoke about things that had happened and why the suddenness. After he left, I know he felt better saying what he needed to say. I was over it all, over him, I wasn't going to repeat that mistake ever again. He was my first boyfriend and I learned. He'll just have to live with his regrets.
Although, he's grown much more than when we were together, I'd just never put myself in that position again. There's a reason why exes should remain exes and he will always remain just an ex.
3 comments:
WHATTT?!!! Wow that is deep. WOW... that is like a once in a lifetime chance that something like that ever happens. At least he apologized. Give him respect for that.
That has to feel really good! I've never really had that happen but I've always dreamed of someone who had wronged me coming back to apologize and ask for me back, only to realize I was over him. It never seems to happen in real life, though!
LOL Steph you hit the nail in the head! Thats exactly how I feel and still feel. I havent gotten over the shock. It still seems surreal, like I dreamed it all.
Tricia, I do give him a lot of respect for that. His apology meant a lot to me. I never expected EVER to get it. You know the details so you know how I felt. And to know, a year and a half later, I got an apology that was seemingly sincere has made me realize that God and Karma do work in very weird ways. I forgave him a long time ago but it was time for him to feel his forgiveness by personally apologizing.
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