Lets get something straight.
I am fickle. To my mother and my father Im a quitter. Determined but a quitter.
When I was about 7 years old, I started ballet. I hated it. It sucked. I couldn't stand the girls in the class and although, I loved to dance AND STILL DO yet I could never do ballet. I stuck to it for 6 months and performed twice before I told my mom and grandmother I was done.
I always loved drama and acting. While I was in elementary school, I was in the drama club which had started while I was in 3rd grade. (The school had only been open 3 years, it was fairly new) My mentor and teacher Miss Sierra was the moderator. The club was cancelled midway. The next year in 4th, the club started again and we were to do a talent show. That never happened. SMH! I was so upset. My group had everything packed down and we were going to win over the audience. We were too cute. (That statement says a lot since I was also beginning to gain weight and had very deep self-inflicted self-esteem issues. Keep this statement in mind.) After a trip to watch the wizard of oz in the city, the club was then again cancelled. OF COURSE IM FURIOUS! I wanted to act! I wanted to be watched! I loved attention(still do). I wanted to bring a smile to everyone's face even if it was at my expense. My dream was to be the next Whitney, the next Selena, the next Jennifer Lopez, the next Drew Barrymore. (The last two are my favorite celebrities in the industry so of course! I wanted to be like them.) I wanted to make movies and sell albums. Be rich, have the money, the clothes, the homes, be able to provide for my family effortlessly. It was what I wanted. Yeah, that dream soon shattered. 5th grade I fell into a really deep depression. I barely ate and never wanted to go to school. The classes at my school were now integrated with the "dumb people" and I was with people I didn't really care to be with. I wanted to be with my friends. (Yeah, okay, "friends." Anyway, thats another story for another day.) So 5th grade, we had setup a performance about saying no to drugs for the night of the parent teacher conference. Two months of practicing just to find out that the show was cancelled. UGGGH! I continued depressed for the rest of the year. That was the only thing that really had me interested or at the least bit, happy. I was excited to perform in front of the audience! I loved being on stage. I had the chance to perform on that stage 3 times before in the 5 years I attended the elementary school before I graduated. Once dancing to the beach boys, and two other times in skits I dont remember what about. These were good times. Very good times.
Then came Schuyler(pronounced Sky-lehr). HAHAHAHA!!! Biggest damn joke in my life! The drama club there was all hierarchal and a bunch of bullshit. None of the people who were in the drama club have or will make something of themselves. Okay, I exaggerate, maybe two. And I am being generous with that number. Some had talent, others were just dumb and have made pure crap of themselves throughout HS.(People I didnt even go to HS with but I still know their business. Trust me I dont really know how or why I am told these things, they just do.) The drama club and dance club was full of the kind of people you see on TV shows that you usually hate. Like the repulsive, arrogant people that you just cant stand. Well this was junior high school so imagine HS just with a younger audience. well, it goes without saying I never made drama club and although it was my class, I am glad I never made it into "major drama." I definitely would not be where I am now. Somewhere during my years at Schuyler, that dream somewhat faded into the background. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always an actress or a lawyer. SMH. When first hearing an actress people would say "You should have started when you were younger." Lawyer... well get to those responses in a few lines. I soon graduated and forgot about drama and acting.
After I graduated in 2003, along came HS. I remember how I felt about HS. I was forced to go into catholic school. A decision I do not regret in the slightest. Drama was actually something I wanted to get back into since law wasnt offered to underclassmen. I went into the drama club where I became really close with Skinnie Minnie and have been for the last 5 or 6 years. I ended up not being involved too deep with drama that freshmen year. I got reinvolved my senior year. Participated in two of the shows that were produced. It was awesome! I got to throw rocks @ Skinnie Minnie!!! As you could see, the dream is still faintly there but it definitely faded into the background. I cant see myself pushing myself into being an actress now though Ive been told for most of my life, its a career and industry Im easily seen in. (Because Im over- and melo- dramatic)
So onto my next dream... Law. HA! This one is the funniest. I cant exactly say that I never been interested in law but it wasnt exactly something that I wanted to do for myself because I wanted to. It was instilled into me. Literally, beat into me. My aunt works for the legal system and she always told me with how much I like to argue and how ill-tempered I could be that law was the path for me. When I was younger, I definitely considered it. I wanted a career in law where I was either involved with the entertainment industry or with adolescents. This started around 7th grade. I took the law class and was transferred out. Later had it again in 8th grade and I loved it! I work in the legal system myself now but do I really want to continue onto a path into law school? No. I want to work closely with adolescents if I stay in this field, if my next dream doesnt work out. Law has always been the backup plan if plan A failed. Now I find myself questioning why I am even going to a school based in law. I want to work with kids who are troubled. My major is criminology and I dont know what Im going to do with it if I decide to follow up with my Masters. SMH! My minors are psychology and art. My third is going to change from corrections to english, which leads me to the dream I want to actively pursue now.
*I decided to break this blog up into 2 parts since its a little longer than what I would usually write. Ill update this one with the link ASAP
click here for part 2
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