So I know most of you are legally married. So dont fret, this is just what I immaturely think of marriage.
Personally, there is no point to it. If I want to live the rest of my life with someone, shack up and full on nookie with kids, a house, and a dog, I should be able to do that without my religion or society saying "It's bad." And you know what? I am bad, so lets accept that and move on.
I do NOT want to get married. As you all know, I just went to PR to attend my cousin's wedding. He looked so cute and happy and so did she. He's been with this girl for about 5-7 years. She's 7 years younger than my cousin. She just finished college, she is 22 and he is 29. They've been happily together since she was in HS (and Yes, there was an off period, but thats not the point).
The trend as of late has been that couples who have been together a long time without the legally binding contract, end up together for decades and those who decide to sign the marriage contract end up in divoce. Can I back this up with stats? Yeah, I can. Am I going to go look for them? No. Thats too much work. I can just tell you from first hand experience.
First example.
My parents.
One day I hope to have what they have. You can tell they love each other and that theyre not together just because they have (me). They have been together 20+ years and are NOT married. This has worked out in my favor when it comes to taxes and financial aid stuff but for the most part, it seems that knowing you dont have to stay, makes you want to stay. I remember when I would have problems with my dad, he would always threaten me saying he could leave at any given moment and blah blah blah. Now that I am older, I realize those were empty threats. He'd never leave my mother. (Personally, I think he'd leave me before he leaves my mother.) This kind of "marriage" by the way, serves an example of common law marriage. Something that NYS does not recognize anymore and hasnt for many years. Only about 13 states recognize common law marriages.
Sidenote: Common Law marriages are marriages in which a couple has been living together for more than a set amount of years, usually 10 or 13.
Second Example.
My (ex-best) friend's parents.
Her parents have had their ups and downs just like all other marriages. They'd been married since they were young. Legally married. They married in Ecuador and left their first child to be raised over there while they tried to make a better life(as many other immigrants do) in the US. They dont have a loveless marriage but they are a true example of a marriage that has some kind of love and care in it. One of VERY FEW.
Now there are some counterexamples.
I have examples to last me for days of all the marriages of those couples who were together for years before they decided to marry and then when they did, everything fell apart. Im sure you guys know what Im talking about. Greatest example being the HS sweethearts.
HS Sweethearts, I dont usually like using them for this argument but I will, have a "great" relationship during HS, sometimes last well through college, of course with ups and downs too, then say during college a kid comes along. They decide to tie the knot because, hey, why not? Youve been together for seven odd years and well, it just seems right. You're married for another two when you realize you've commmitted the worst mistake of your life. The guy might feel resentment towards his wife for having taken the high road and doing things right and the wife might feel regret for not having partied and enjoyed the single life she never had in her prime. All your friends are enjoying it and now that you're 25 or 26, youre looking at yourselves wondering where your youth went and you realize that you married too young and are somewhat unsatisfied with life knowing you conformed to what you already had.
The other example are loveless marriages. You know those... the ones that stay there because of the kids, or because of money, or benefits, or because quite frankly... they are just "too old." I see these all the time too. Recently one of my many maternal aunts separated from her husband of about 20 years (her first born just turned 20 today and her 2nd child turns 10 in about a month and change...) She was in a loveless marriage because of the kids. Why stay with someone because of your kids? Seriously. Its not worth it. Its not worth the headaches. No. It. Is. Not. And what hurts is that my aunt's really young. She's still in her 30s for crying out loud!!! She's barely 35 or 36. There was no reason to stay with someone you dont love when youre the breadmaking person in the household making for yourself. Yes, people, she literally stayed for the kids. She made enough money(by enough, Im speaking in PR standards) to take care of herself and her daughter. Her firstborn(son) was not going to leave with her if she did so earlier than when she did. Not only that but he is my age and damn sure old enough to take care of himself. He's got two kids of his own. If youre old enough to have kids, youre old enough to take care of yourself... But I digress... Thats another post in its own.
So all in all, I dont want to be in any of these situations. Besides religious reasons and legal benefits, I dont see a point to marriage. Besides walking down the aisle in a pretty dress... or tux. (Whatever floats your boats, people... If I do marry its going to be a dress showing off my legs with a huge train behind me gathering dirt and cleaning the floors -_- Im sorry Im girly that way.)
Id post more examples but its just getting me a little too passionate now... What do you guys think?
3 comments:
I look back on the whole wedding thing and wonder what we were thinking! If you're going to get married, you should do it for your own reasons, not to make yourself more acceptable to your friends, or family, or society in general. I like being married, and I wouldn't rule out getting married again if I was in that situation later on, but it's definitely not as important to me as it used to be--and my marriage is still going strong after 12 years! We haven't worked on our marriage because of the piece of paper. We're just committed to each other. In the end, I think that's all you need.
Well there is also the Meredith and Derek marriage from Grey's Anatomy- Marriage on a post it!
Well I want to get married.. now if someone wants to marry me is the next question
I believe in marriage by a legal piece of paper, even though the stats say otherwise. Those stats also tell me that more people are in relationship for the wrong reasons. MY husband is non Latino. I put my cards on the table as soon as he proposed. "My family is loud, nosy, you marry me, you're marrying them as well, etc..." he still wanted to marry me anyway.
Couples don't sit down and talk money, children, families before they tie the knot. They're in love and believe everything will fall into place because they're in love.
I don't think a piece of paper makes a difference. If a couple that's been together for many years decides to tie the knot and it doesn't work out: it's because they didn't sit down and talk about money, children, hopes for the future. Why? Because now that you are married, whatever credit you got, guess what? It will be added with your spouses and the average of that taken out. 90% of the marriage fights are over money. When you're boyfriend/girlfriend, your money is yours. Sure, you share the rent, bills, etc...but you still have your bank account. When you get married and end up with a joint account; that's when one spouse ends up noticing how much really the other spends. The fights begin. There are other factors, but this will turn into a "blogment."
Sure, it would have been easier for me to not marry my husband, still have his illegitimate bastard children, and work the government system (put down that I'm a single mome, get all kinds of welfare benefits--all while the father still adds to the income). But then again, I'm not afraid of a commitment, so I got married to celebrate our commitment and love for one another.
That's just my opinion, though.
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