Ok so this one is for those people who are basically therapists in their everyday life. I'm the type of person that when someone runs to me crying about their life, whether its something they could control or something they are incapable of controlling, I'm quick to say "that sounds like a personal problem" and show some sympathy, apathy or pity. Most of the time its apathy what I feel for those folks. But how do you feel when the stresses of that person are technically your own by extension? Well, that's where herein lies my problem. I can't show apathy because... Ill get my ass beat. lol (my parents alwsay you're never too old to get disciplined. Gee thanks! *evil eye*) Sympathy will get me oh so far and pity might just get me smacked too.
Right now, like many other Americans, my father's unemployed. I'm his ventee. He's the venter. I'm the ventee. You know the therapist. The receiver of his guilt and stress and constant issues with upward socio-eco mobility. My dad like many other Americans is "well off" to the point where appearingly, he's got it going on. Yeah, so much for appearances.
To give you a little back story, it started with this house. Let's just say I'm not so fond of this house. I've never been. My opinion didn't matter when buying it but when they(my parents) die, I'm footing the bill. Yeah, some life, huh? So there are other things that have led me to be so "apathetic" towards this place they want me to call home but I can't discuss that. Basically, because of this house and its mortgage, we can barely make ends meet and that's where his stresses lie. He can't stand it. Oh and did I mention he's unemployed? Well, yeah, he is, right. Anyway, by extension, that stress of trying to keep what they(my parents) consider their retirement, is mine too. Which brings me to my next issue. What also adds to the appearance of being "well off" is the fact that we have 4 cars in the house. 1 is stick-shift, 1 is in the shop for transmission issues, the other has tranny issues 2 but were not fixing that one because we want it to die(ok me and my dad want it to die), and the last is his toy. I know how to drive stick shift and prefer it but the car has no insurance nor does he trust me to use it. The 1 in the shop has insurance but ... Is in the shop. The other is the main car and its not safe. Anyone, who's ridden in the car with me, knows what I'm talking about. So, I mention that we need a car. My mom and grandmother are in physical therapy and now so am I. We all have places to be, right? Well, the problem is we all have to be there at the same time. So, my theory on getting another car is viable, its just not what he wants.
My grandmother is staying another four months. We need an extra ride in the house! At least that would be MY car. So then after I tell him this, he states "oh save that money because we might need it for the house." Damnit, the house is your problem!!! Not mine. I refuse to take responsibility of the house. (Ok, granted, I sound selfish but you guys don't understand how much I loathe this place I've been forced to call "home.") So now I'm here trying to ask myself if this fight is worth it? At the end of the day, in NYC, and the way I loathe the MTA, I need a car. I need to move out this city. I really do. So here I am stressed out because besides not being able to make ends meet, I can't get where I need to be under a certain time and making myself take a paycut before I even start school again which brings another paycut. I'm very upset. How can I save $ to leave when I've got to pay bills in a house which I only reside in and have to worry whether or not the mortgage will be paid the following month?
UGH. Recession sucks. I didnt want to rant. But I feel so much better! Dont you guys hate playing therapist?
3 comments:
I feel youuuuu!!!
Mom bought a mobile home when I was 16, which i hated. When we would turn 18, she would make us pay rent and pitch in for the bills. It sucked ass. Sometimes the only running car was mine and I had to drive everyone's ass everywhere! I had to go to class from 8-9:30 am. come home. drive mom to work. Pick up brother from work. Drop sister to school. Go to work. come home, eat; go to school. come home to pick up brother and drop to work; pick up mom on the way back home. 1 hour later, pick up sister from school. None gave me gas for it. We were always broke, and my car stick shift, which I hate driving.
I wanted to move out, but couldn't because they depended on my car, and I felt guilty, but they weren't my responsibility!
Time out...
Your dad is messed up. My uncle told me that is the man's respsonsibilty to take care of the mortgage. He does not even ALLOW my aunt to even put a pen to a check for the mortgage. He should at least let you use YOUR money for YOUR car. SMH. Yes that SUV is a death trap. It needs to be junked NOW
LMJ, Hon Im so glad someone understands my pain right now. Im not trying to be selfish, i just feel it isnt my problem. I didnt even want to live there to begin with and thats what hurts.
Tricia,
your uncle is obvviously a product of machismo. While I believe its within a relationship's responsibility to take care fo your own, I dont see where it becomes mine. And since he hasnt been able to find a job, it falls on me anyway. My mom takes care of the rest of the bills so its between me and credit cards.
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