Cant stand NOT smiling.
Its the one thing I loathe not doing. When Im upset, and I cant hide it, that it shows clearly on my face and mood. Its horrible. Im generally a cheerful, happy, obviously annoyingly joyful person overall that it sucks when Im not.
This isnt a good thing. For many reasons.
When Im not happy, lets say Im just Ok, people automatically assume something is wrong and if not wrong, VERY wrong.
Its not that something is wrong, I could just simply be very tired or not feeling well enough to smile.
If Im crying and my eyes are watery, that balmy, glossy film obvious that Ive been crying, THATS WHEN YOU SHOULD WORRY because something is definitely bothering me.
And youll know things are THAT bad when Im trying to laugh while crying and I JUST CANT. I cough up, sob and continue streaming tears. (I usually cast a face similar to tears of a clown. Ive always been like this since I was little. Unless I was sentimentally not ok, you would see me laughing with tears in my eyes because I was at some point crying. I find it my duty to laugh while I cry. It makes for a funny picture too!)
So I keep hearing people complain about things and its not our fault that things arent going our way, its just life testing us. In my case, I have a lot on my mind. Primarily, graduation and not having a job next year. What am I going to do when September arrives and Ill possibly not have a paycheck deposited into my bank account. I AM GOING TO CRY. and NOT LAUGH.
Maybe Ill laugh at myself for being ridiculous enough to cry over a paycheck but damnit Ive got bills to pay and my savings can only do so much. I figure that my savings will cover most of 2011... But Ill definitely be assed out for 2012. What to do? I say Im going to sign up for the Navy. Ill be a higher rank because of my college degree and theyll cover my MA degree. Something I could do while "serving my country." Sigh. I dont want to. Not completely but it has definitely appealed to me for years and if I cant get what I want next year then thats the next step.
What did you learn today? Tears of a clown. Thats me.
PS this post gave me a headache!
2 comments:
I remember being in college and broke and thinking of just joining the military so they could pay for my school!
I am the type that's always happy go lucky, so when I'm sad or upset, everyone asks. I really dont' want to tell them, you know..!
Awww...cheer up lady all is not lost after you graduate. All it is that you must do is start looking for work before u graduate. Start to look for possible employment places and send out resumes of interest. The job I have now ends in about three weeks and i'm scrambling looking for places to apply. I was hearing about this place training people to be medical transcriptionist for different places and earn up to 1,000 a week depending on the hours u take up. I can see if I can forward that info to you. But yeah, don't feel defeated once u graduate, instead just look at it as an opportunity to search for wayyyy better jobs. And DON'T GIVE UP!!!!
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